Seizure Girl

No one has ever called me this but they minds well. Today has been a bad day and I'm having a hard time handling things right now. And might I say it's only 1:30pm. There is still more day to come. You think God would prevent me from having seizures in his house of worship, but maybe he has something else in mind. It's not like I'm giving up on him, I want to trust him and believe that he has a plan but I just can't see it. I can pretty much keep it together and be strong. Someone today told be I don't have to be strong everyday. That hit me. Today I guess is one of those days. I know I talk a lot about what has happened with details but today I just feel all I need to say is I had a bad morning. However something did happen that I with specify (in a second.) First, God has put this verse on my heart for a while, James 5:14 Is anyone among you sick? Let them call the elders of the church to pray over them and anoint them with oil in the name of the Lord. I read it a few weeks ago, and just said how I don't like that verse. In my opinion it's ok for one person to pray over me but I don't like everybody crowding me. And I don't like when they say "well if it didn't work, than it's because you didn't believe." I found myself reading and having people telling me about this verse a lot in the past few days. I read my devotions and it had this verse as a reference to what I was reading. You know when you keep hearing a verse that usually means God really wants you to understand it and do it. I was still really unsure about it though. Today I was anointed with oil and prayed over. I think to live by the Bible and do what it says. Is Satan trying to tell me not to do this or that's the reason I really don't like it? I am really having a hard time understanding it and how do I say it, believing that. Yes I believe God can heal if you pray. But if you really don't believe could it not happen? And if it you think it's working right away, but it's not? I don't know. It's just I have a hard time with this. Something else that happened today. I can't hear anything while I am having a seizure. It is like I am in a dream that is black and dark and silent. And I can't move. I'm kinda like just standing there. Or I'll be in a familiar place just standing there. Like sometimes I'll be in my friend's basement. But today while I was in that darkness I heard the name Jesus being repeated over and over again. "Jesus Jesus Jesus Jesus." While I was in that darkness it was like I was reminded that Jesus was and is with me. I was talking to my friend, and telling her that if I never get healed I will praise Him no matter what. I will praise Him with this illness, and wait for Him to return.